I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
