so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
