I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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