rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
