my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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