That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
