They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
