five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i love accidental penises.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
