I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize