This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize