this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
