Bisexual people are plain selfish.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
