i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
