i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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