3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
