In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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