I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
