I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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