He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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