Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
