remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
