she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
