My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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