I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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