i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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