I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
