I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
