Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
