They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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