i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
