shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
