I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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