Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
