Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
