You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
