real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am naked and annoyed.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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