Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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