remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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