a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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