Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
