he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
