I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
