using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
