in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
