White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
and you fell through a lawn chair
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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