i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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