now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize