Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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