you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just invented taco cereal.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
