I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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