They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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