What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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