Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
