He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
