We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
COCAINE IS GR8
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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