I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
