We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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