1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize