I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
