Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
