im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize