Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
