some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
