Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
