Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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