There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
