I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
