Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
