My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
