I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have feelings that need drinking.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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