More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
