I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
