Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
