i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
