So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I need moral support for this bender
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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