I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we're making bets on your personal life
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
