Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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