Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
