Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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