conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
