Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
