She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
