Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
