She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
