Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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