I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
