I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's shark week go big or go home
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
