I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
