I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
