and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
