if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
