his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
