Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
