So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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