dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize