just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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