From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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