she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So. Much. Porn.
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