you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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