I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize