Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Porn is love you can see.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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