I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My ATM looks so different sober.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize