every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
