if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
