I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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