I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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