We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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