I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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