her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Found your dick twin last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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